Well today was another milestone in the journey of becoming a parent, we got to have our 12 week scan. I was surprised about how little there is to know about how other parents feel in the lead up and during the scan online. So I thought I would blog about it and share how I felt.
Well I guess the first 3 months are the worst really. After that initial excitement of “I’m pregnant” it becomes a worry. The NHS don’t offer scans before 12 weeks unless you have a problem, which in honesty I feel is wrong, and that it wouldn’t hurt to offer a slightly earlier one. 12 weeks to me is a long time to get used to being pregnant, so if something is wrong at that stage after all that waiting it must be even more horrific than finding out sooner. Plus it just adds to the worry that all mums have. You can always pay for one privately but they are expensive and often far away. For me it was not really an option as we are trying to save all we can. The first trimester is indeed known to be just as difficult as the third. With all the horrible symptoms and that constant fear in the back of your head that this trimester has the highest miscarriage rate. Its just not a nice time. You add that and the internet into the mix and you become almost convinced that something is going to go wrong.
That’s how I was. I wanted this baby so much that I looked up all sorts, and convinced myself id had a missed miscarriage or something equally awful. You don’t feel anything at this stage even though baby is wriggling around (and trust me it really is) so other than the occasional vomiting and a few body changes there really isn’t anything to prove that theres something alive in there…until the 12 week scan!
So in the lead up to the scan I sort of put it to the back of my head…until a few days before. And if I’m honest on those days I’ve done nothing but worry myself silly. You try to remain calm because its not good for the baby but at the same time all I kept thinking was in a few days my dreams of having my own child could all be gone. And what if they are all gone? What would I do? It is a very stressful time for all mums to be, and I don’t think there is anything wrong in that. I think its wrong that its not acknowledged. No matter how many people tell you it will be fine you still worry.
So anyway after a sleepless night last night due to me worrying about whether or not I would even see anything in there, I went to my scan. I drank my water, contained my pee (that was a bloody difficult mission I can assure you) grabbed my husband and off we went.
So when you have the scan you lie down on a bed, lower your trousers to just below your pelvis and then you have a gel squeezed onto your tummy. Then they move the scanner over your abdomen and a picture comes up on the screen in front of you. To be honist I almost couldn’t look…and when the picture first came up there was nothing there, just an empty void. I almost felt my heart break a bit right there and then and thought to myself “this is it then just as I thought”.
Then they move the scanner and change the frequency. The scanner works in layers and the layer it started on clearly didn’t have the baby in sight…as soon as they adjusted it there was spud. And it was truly amazing!
You can see everything, head, arms, body, legs. I even saw spuds little nose. The most amazing thing to me was the movement! When the scanner moved over my tummy, spud moved in response, in fact spuds whole body jerked and moved. The arms were waving around the legs were kicking! I found it amazing that all this was going on at that moment and I couldn’t even feel it yet. The whole scan lasted about 25 minutes as they moved the scanner all around, looking at spuds individual “layers” if you like. The heartbeat could be seen! That was amazing in itself. They looked at spuds head from the top, looked all over my abdomen to check my health. In honesty it didn’t feel like it lasted that long. All I was doing was watching my baby on the screen with my husband, fighting back the tears of relief and feeling like the luckiest woman on the planet.
Now its become real. I’ve seen the little fellow for myself, and I’ve seen it move. I know its definitely there and the relief is overwhelming. For the moment my worries have gone, although they will probably return at some stage. I also feel like ive bonded with spud in some way. You do bond a little before seeing them but its not the same as afterwards. I can picture the little guy moving around now in response to my movements, and that’s pretty amazing!
I hope all the mums to be reading this are reassured that they are not the only ones to be worried. I hope that they don’t feel alone in their worry before the first scan. I also hope your scans are as incredible as mine was, and that it puts your mind at rest. Also best advice I can offer you is DONT GOOGLE! it just makes worrying worse and half the time its not even accurate information!
Me, Paul and little Spud xxx