Well…I am completely and utterly exhausted again. Part of it is possibly because I have taken too much on again in my desperate bid to help others. I seem to have an inability to say no to offering my help to someone in need. In many ways this makes me a good person but I can’t help but feel a bit foolish as again I have taken on too much and not realised it until its a bit too late. Its hard for me to put myself first on a regular basis. I guess this is what the doctor meant by easing off the gas.
Today I feel physically and mentally exhausted. I felt the same yesterday. I went on a lovely morning out with my husband to Birmingham to the Christmas market. I really enjoyed myself, we went before lunch which meant that it was very quiet and there were not reams of people crowding around everywhere. I can’t cope with too many people, part of my anxiety I guess but also partly because I’m quite an introvert…believe it or not. It was lovely to go and be relaxed, often for me Birmingham is a bit too busy and so can be stressful but thankfully we had a good day. I went around the stalls with hubby for a couple of hours, it was lovely…but I was so exhausted I couldn’t bring myself to drive home…not even in my shiny new (second hand but new to me) car! For the whole rest of the day I ended up on the sofa dozing off aching from head to toe. This is really not me at all. Normally I’m always on the go and full of beans but things seem to be taking their toll on me more than they used to.
When I spoke to the doctor of the possibility that I may have ME it didn’t sound like anything that I felt would affect me so much. I just assumed that some of the measures we are taking at the minute, such as reducing and changing my medications, would be some sort of magic cure. For the most part I do feel better for it and more confident and happy. It can be easier for me to get up in the morning and my energy levels are better than they were…but the tiredness is affecting me more than I first thought. This I feel is a combination of the reduced medications in the evening meaning its not as easy for me to fall asleep, and me continuing to do far far too much. Clearly I need to go back to the drawing board to start managing my activities and time so that I can live my life in the way that I want to. I’m so sick and fed up of feeling tired all the time, I know I’m not myself and I know I can’t be giving my life my all because I don’t have the energy too. That is frustrating me a tad. Its my own silly fault for taking on too much again…hey ho lesson learnt!
I guess I just fancy a bit of a whinge and a moan at being tired. I know I am not as bad as some people and for that I am very thankful. I just wish I had a bit more energy to go that extra mile. I am making a few lifestyle changes in order to try and help manage things a little more, I will keep you posted on these but mainly I’m trying to loose some weight, eat healthy and sleep in some sort of regular sleep pattern. If I see people or do activities I am trying to space them out a bit so I am not rushing around so much. I will let you know if this helps!
I am off to have an early evening nap before hubby gets home. We haven’t seen each other much lately, itd be nice to be alert for when he gets home.