I am not a heartless bitch!

This post I have debated heavily whether or not to air my views but I feel its something that needs saying. I recently have been approached by a few people regarding areas of my personal life, in particular my relationship with my family. I feel this is something I need to clarify on here for anyone else that may be reading and feel that its appropriate to comment on what’s gone on without knowing both sides of a story.

I no longer speak to any of my family. That point is obvious. This has been the result of many different factors which I will not go into on here as I do not feel its appropriate to go around saying who did what. What I wish to highlight to everyone is that this was not an easy choice for me to make.

I am not a heartless cow. I have not chosen to walk away from people that I love so dearly just to be a heartless bitch, or to hurt them. I have not found it easy. I have felt let down, deeply hurt and I have had a huge amount of demons as a result of my decision. I have no doubt that what happened has hurt them. They are human, as am I, and I know full well that this has basically destroyed me. I don’t need anyone to come and tell me how upset they may have been or are, as I feel the exact same pain. I am not completely devoid of empathy or emotion. I made my choice to walk away because there were aspects of our relationship that I could no longer handle. It was a difficult choice but it needed to be done for a variety of reasons, all I will say is it was not a healthy relationship.

If we do get in contact again it will be under our own terms. Terms that both they and myself are comfortable with. It will be under our own steam. It will not be as the result of someone coming upto either one of us and “talking anyone round”. If, how and why is frankly nobody elses business.

Do not assume that by seeing me out with my husband and friends and smiling in public is again down to me being a heartless bitch. It is not. Its called getting on with your life the best that you can. Its called months worth of work of getting myself to a point that I am no longer afraid to bump into anyone that may remotely have anything to do with any of my family. Its about not being afraid of the talk and rumors that are circling, and going out anyway. And by not involving everyone around me in all of my dirty laundry does not mean that I am not feeling anything or am in the wrong. Its called being an adult. The fear of what people might think, (based on everything that was being said last time this happened) has held me back for way too long and I am not prepared to allow it to do so any longer. I have too much self respect for that.

Ultimately if you haven’t bothered in the last 9 months and you come up and try to talk to me about it please do not be offended at my telling you where to go. I am not a source of gossip, I do not wish to bad mouth people or spread rumors whether they are true or not. Its in the past and those that need to know what went on, do. If you do not its because I have made the choice not to speak to you about it and probably have my reasons. There are two sides to every story, and there are reasons why I have chosen to react to the situation in the way that I have. Please respect my silence, and respect me as a person with feelings.

C xXx

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