So this blog is partly an update on me. But it also aims to reassure fellow II sufferers and offer some advice about how to prioritise who matters and who doesn’t. We get a lot of people judging us and quite often it can hurt us very personally. I hope that my advice in how I manage to stand up after people knock me down can offer some assistance to others.
So…an update on me:
Well I have had my annual leave, which I have to say was wonderful. Before I started this week off, myself and my husband had not had a day off together for a month, so it was great to spend some quality time with him.
We have done a fair few things together. We went to a gig whose tickets were bought for us by our best man last Friday, which was fantastic! So thankyou very much for joining us best man (aware that I am posting online so I want to avoid names if possible). The following day I had part of my tattoo coloured in and went trick or treating for the first time with a close friend and her family (and yes I dressed up lol see picture attached of me as a cat). We went to Glastonbury which for me was epic fun, I loved all the quirky shops. We saw the latest James Bond film, absolutely fabulous and amazing! Basically we did tonnes of awesome things together and with friends, which was great!
To me the most amazing thing was spending time with Paul. We have had a lot on our minds lately to say the least and it was wonderful to reconnect with one another. We both work shift patterns and sometimes we don’t get to see a lot of each other, so spending a week together really does make a difference. I have come to realise how important this is, and as I am sat here with my post holiday blues I have decided to make one of my new years resolutions already. I need to learn to say no and prioritise my own life a little bit more. I have a tendency to want to help everyone. I guess that’s part of my condition in a way. I sometimes think that if I don’t help people will think less of me. Its almost like if I don’t bend over backwards I feel like people will see me as a bad person and won’t like me. This week has made me realise how important it is to stop worrying about such trivial things. I have started to ask myself the question of why does it matter what they think if they are not in my inner circle of close friends/family? I need to prioritise those within my inner circle rather than worry about what people say so much. In particular I need to spend time with my husband too.
Sadly, I had a couple of negative experiences for me so it has been a bit of a rollercoaster. I was contacted by, and also bumped into people who have caused me so much pain over the last few months. I am not sure of the reason for contact other then to try and confuse and upset me, as it was very strange. I can only think it was because my birthday was soon so maybe they thought I felt a bit vulnerable. I am not sure. All I know is it worked, briefly. I was confused, and I have been left angry especially as they had no response regarding the things they had done or made me feel. At the same token though it made me realise how far I have come and how unwilling I am to trust in those people again. It was a “too little too late” sort of situation. Even if it is a bit fucked up, I can’t help but feel proud of myself at how I dealt with it. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I also know that I have come through the worst emotions over the last few months and I am on the road to recovery. I will do anything within my power to ensure that I do not allow others the opportunity to put me back where I was a few months ago. I have a lot more personal strength then I thought, and that’s a good thing to know.
And this is the part where I share my “wisdom” as it were…
Many of you struggling with your own battles may have found that they made harder by other peoples actions or veiws. In many cases this can cause a fear of certain situations for example going out in case you see those people. Socialising both online or face to face can be a real struggle. I must admit it has been for me in some cases. I have avoided situations in case I bumped into certain people, but all that it does is makes me miss out. The same is said for anyone else who may feel the same way. In a way this personal experience has taught me that seeing them or receiving communication from people who upset me wasn’t as bad as I thought. Now that first “contact” has happened, and I discovered I could hold my head up high and let it go. In essence, I was stronger and had a bit more dignity that I expected. If you feel the same way, then you may surprise yourself with how easy you find walking away from such situations. Sometimes its better to put the past in the past and move forwards into your own life, and often that movement is easier than you may think. Don’t be afraid to go out, or of that first time you see someone or receive contact with someone who has been negative towards you. In a lot of cases it can actually be quite enlightening and allow you to let go a little. No-one should ever feel afraid to live life because of other people. I guess this is my major point here.
The other point is sometimes you need to sit down and reflect on who’s important in your life. Write it down or draw a friendship circle if you must, if that helps. Think about who is there for you, and who supports you the most. Think about who you trust the most, and who trusts you. Reflect on who is there because they love you and who is there whenever they need a favour. This will show you who you need to concentrate on in your life. For me its my husband and a few close friends. A handful of people really. But that handful is more important than anything else because they are the ones that keep me going. It doesn’t matter how many people or what sort of relationship they are to you. They may not be a spouse they may be a friend, family member or even a pet! The point is, they’re important to you and you are to them. Now just stop and think about everyone else you come into contact with outside these people, and how important their opinions should be. They don’t know you, they don’t trust you and you don’t them. Is it really important what they think or say? No of course it isn’t. The people who are important are those within your inner friendship circle. These are the ones you need to prioritise. I found that doing this has made me find the strength to say no, or the strength to “deflect” any comments or opinions away from myself. Don’t worry so much about these people. What do they know? and what do they matter? I’m not saying go around treating them like shit, but what I’m saying is if they every do or say anything to make you feel shit, think about how little they matter to you, and how little they know. To me this helps me in my head to realise how trivial their comments and opinions are.
I hope my reflections and advice helps someone who needs it, and that someone finds it useful.
Take care of yourselves and thanks for reading until the end
Its important to do this and reconnect with people